I wanted to fix it. I wanted to speak to my children so they would grow up with positive self-esteem. I wanted them to be the confident the kids on the block.
When something goes wrong in childhood and there is evidence of negativity and/or verbal abuse, there are two ways to approach it - imitate it or confront it. I wanted it fixed - Now.
My parents meant well. Most parents do. However, verbal communication would get a very low score in the house where I grew up. In the "olden" days, parents were not as politically correct.
"What kind of question is that? .... How can you be so dumb?"
"Are you as dumb as the dog?"
"I'm going to lay down in the middle of the road and give up."
I think it's best to stop the memories while I'm ahead. I know at least some of the time these remarks were meant to be funny.
In an effort to break
the cycle of negativity, I censored myself daily to the very best
of my ability as I raised my own children.
I made it a regular mental practice to put my words through a “positive” filter. Before I spoke, I imagined the words as if
they were being said to me as a child and I would do my best to empathize with
my own children’s reactions. Daily, I
made a conscious effort to phrase things so my children would feel good about
themselves and grow to possess excellent self-esteem. Exercising a few seconds of control before you speak can shape
your son or daughter into a confident, happy person who finds joy in doing what
is right.
When a baby is born, parents generally set
out on a journey with the most positive of attitudes. They dote on their precious new baby in the
hospital. They "Oooh" and "Ahhhh" its every movement and are overcome by the
miracle of birth. Why does that
appreciation for life slow down or even stop?
Why is it that many parents often see their own child as less and less
perfect as they grow? Why do parents
criticize their own offspring and complain?
Imagine if all parents chose to see their child as glorious and
beautiful as the day they were born at the ages of 9, 12, 18, 24 or even 37 years old. If you see your child as unique and fantastic,
you will see them as possessing limitless positive qualities. Concentrate on the positive and your child
will grow daily toward that very special mental image.
In addition to performing as a female Christian comedian, I teach piano lessons to young children. I am continually dumbstruck by the negative
and critical way parents talk to children.
Many times they will apply labels to their own child that start to form
a student’s young mind.
“He’s lazy. He doesn’t like music.”
“My husband isn’t musical so she might not be
either.” “
"She’s always seems unmotivated.”
At each word, my heart
breaks and the childhood memories become vivid again. Teaching piano includes a certain amount of
damage control.
If you want positive happy children, speak to them as if they are already successful.
“You’re smart. … I can see you’re
putting your best effort into your school work.
… You’re to be admired. … You inspire me” and most importantly “I’m so proud of you!” Positive words will
confirm any doubts your child may have about his or her own self-worth. You will mold your child’s inner beauty by
acknowledging their unspoken strengths. Start today. Use the positive filter and watch the countless benefits come back to you as your children grow.
http://humorousspeakersbureau.com Sally Edwards is the president of The Humorous Speakers Bureau marketing corporate comedians and funny keynote motivational speakers.
http://sallyedwards.org - Laugh to Good Health
http://comedybysally.com - Clean Corporate Comedy
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